


The You Of Then, And The You Of Now

by ProPinkist



Category: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Genre: ...Kinda, Angst, Gen, Happy Birthday Soo-won, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Series, why is this so awful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-18 03:25:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5896285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProPinkist/pseuds/ProPinkist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yona goes to pay a visit to someone... though she's not as in control of herself as she'd hoped.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The You Of Then, And The You Of Now

**Author's Note:**

> My sad attempt at a birthday fic for Soo-won. *sigh* He's one of my favorite characters, and yet I barely make it, and come up with something less than decent! :/ ...I apologize for the less-than-believable setting; it's stretching things, I know. But I also wanted this scene to play out, and it was the best place I could think of for it to happen. Also a bit of SooYona snuck its way in there because I'm SooYona trash and I fully admit it.

She hadn’t been here before, but once still felt like too many times.

Yona slowly made her way down the stone stairs into the relatively dark palace dungeon, her steps echoing in the silence. While it wasn’t like the dark, scary dungeons of storybooks, with dankness and rats everywhere, it still wasn’t a place she’d be willing to live in. It was plain, and boring, but most of all, just _too_ quiet. …It reminded her a lot of the cave Shin-ah had lived alone in for so long, a thought which hurt her heart.

All in all, Yona didn’t want to come here… but as soon as she had realized today’s date, she knew she had to. No one else would dislike her reasons for doing so, not even Hak anymore, but she was still grateful she went unnoticed.

In her hand, she was carrying a plate of buns, and she walked slowly so as not to drop it. The guards did not question her at all despite the strange sight, and had immediately let her through; after all, she was the most important person they answered to now. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that.

Taking a deep breath, Yona made her way down the line of cells until she reached one in particular that she already knew was her destination, thanks to the information she got from the guards. Although, even if she hadn’t, she would immediately be able to tell, since it was the largest and least plain cell out of all of them.

The person inside did not turn around to face her, even though he must have heard her approach. When it became obvious he wasn’t going to, Yona spoke first, her voice coming out more strained than she would have liked.

“Soo-won, it’s me…”

She trailed off as said person finally shifted around, a light smile on his face. He looked exactly as he always did, with his strawberry blonde hair slung over one shoulder, and wearing his plain white robes.

“Hello, Yona,” he spoke airily, his tone even.

If she looked closely, Yona thought that maybe he did look a little more pale, which was difficult to imagine considering how fair-skinned he already was. There _was_ very little sunlight in here, though. Soo-won had always been considered… “frail” wasn’t exactly the word, per se, but delicate, when he was younger.

Despite the fact that she no longer believed that in the slightest, Yona asked the question anyway, hating how worried her voice sounded.

“Are you… alright, down here?”

Soo-won didn’t answer right away, instead choosing to lean against the hard wall to his right, his expression indifferent. “…As fine as I can be, at least.” His eyes were drawn to the plate of confectionaries Yona was still awkwardly holding, and then his gaze flicked up to meet hers again through the bars. “What are those for?”

Yona’s heart clenched. “…I suppose that means you don’t remember… It’s your birthday,” she whispered, to which Soo-won’s eyes widened.

“That’s right, I suppose it _is_ around that time,” he answered softly. “…Those are for me, then?”

“Y-Yes,” Yona stammered. She couldn’t stand these awkward short exchanges between them any longer. Crouching down, she set the plate down on the cold floor, careful to make sure it didn’t clatter. Then she grabbed one of the buns off of it, and reached through the rather wide bars to hold it out to Soo-won. Their fingers brushed as he gingerly took it from her, and the fact that she no longer felt the urge to yank her arm back was a bit troubling to her.

Before he could say anything else, Yona sat down and started eating one of her own, and to her relief, he did as well. The silence was filled by the sounds of them eating, and she savored it.

All too soon, however, they had finished. She remained sitting, the tension rising, but before she could make herself hastily grab another bun, Soo-won spoke.

“Yona, I thank you for the delicious food… But why did you really come here?”

Yona opened her mouth to reply, then slowly closed it when she didn’t know what she was going to say. Feeling like a fool, she continued to sit there dumbly, before finally her mouth began to speak things without the will of her mind, it seemed.

“…Do you remember… that time we played in the snow, and I became ill, and then you and Hak did as well after insisting on staying by my side?”

_What am I saying?! Why bring this up now?_

To her surprise, Soo-won let out what sounded like a chuckle. “…I do remember that,” he said, his voice oddly soft and nostalgic. “That day… we all got sick… Lord Mundok arrived, and scolded Hak… then my father did as well to me…”

Surprised, Yona gained some courage to continue. “…Or that time you took me outside to the capitol for the first time, and I was captured… It was scary, but I still never regretted that day.” She managed a smile, despite herself. “You both… worked so hard to save me… It made me so happy.”

Soo-won nodded despite his awkward position against the wall. “I enjoyed that day too, despite everything… those were nice times.”

Yona was about to recount another memory, but his words stopped her. She felt cold all of a sudden, and she was brought back to the present. She had let her guard down, gotten caught up in the moment… but the reality of the situation returned to her then in full force.

“…They were… weren’t they…” she said hoarsely. “…I loved those times. More than anything, I did. I would have loved us three just staying like that forever… and e-ever, and ever… and yet…”

The memories of the three of them playing together switched to those of her and what had become her new family for the past year. Yoon’s angry but well-meaning scolding. Kija’s kind and gentle smile. Shin-ah’s cock of his head when he was confused about something. Jae-ha’s warm and loving hugs. Zeno’s bright and energetic laughs. And on top of all that, the feeling that rushed through her when she had made one of those countless poor children smile, or the sense of relief she felt whenever they saved innocent lives in general. Tae-jun’s eagerness to please her and do what he needed to do. Lili’s strong and caring personality. Tetora’s motherliness. Ayura’s protectiveness.

Her voice grew weak, and Yona felt tears forming in her eyes. Knowing how awful she looked, she listlessly made her way closer to the cell, and pressed her face in between the bars.

“Soo-won, I-I… I don’t even know what to say here!!” Her tears were a mix of angry and sad ones; she didn’t know which for sure. “…Should I say I’m sorry? Should I ask you why? Should I… should I… should I say thank you…?” Yona’s voice had started off angry but then had lost its energy in the span of a few seconds, and she trailed off, hating how weak and not in control she felt.

She tensed when she felt Soo-won awkwardly wrap his arms around her head, stroking her hair softly ( _that hair he loved so much, that she only hated more since he did)_. She was reminded of their very first reunion again oh-so-long ago in Awa… except it was different now. Back then, she didn’t know how she had felt. Now… she also didn’t know what her feelings were, it was true. …But at the very least, this didn’t feel completely and utterly _wrong_.

“You don’t have to say anything, Yona,” he whispered slowly, shushing her. “…I’m proud of you.”

Yona cried even harder at his kind words. She was afraid the guards might hear her and come see what the matter was, but she couldn’t control herself; all her emotions were pouring out of her unwillingly. Deep down, Yona knew she still loved this man, even if it wasn’t in the way she had originally. The person he was back then, and the person he was now… They weren’t different. Even if it had seemed that way. The Soo-won of before may have been planning what the “other” Soo-won did even then. Maybe that “old” Soo-won could be as cold as she remembered her father’s murderer being. …And maybe that murderer could also be as kind and as loving as her old friend.

As he was now.

After she had cried for what felt like eons, Yona slowly untangled herself from the cell and Soo-won. Robotically, she crouched down to pick up the last bun and offered it to him, which he accepted. She dried her eyes quickly, and tried to collect herself, steeling her expression.

“…I’ll get you out of here, by the way, no matter what you want,” she said firmly, picking up the now-empty plate.

“I wouldn’t expect anything else… Yona,” Soo-won said, his voice sounding both amused and a bit sad.

Yona hesitated, then turned her head towards him again before making her way out of the place.

“…Sorry it couldn’t be more, but… Happy Birthday.”


End file.
